This is what I was referring to...it just doesnt work....anything I give example to you would say I made up...I wouldnt have to make it up if you told me what really went on...since you dont you wont, its safe to say my little story in my head is true, but you will never admit confess breakdown or in any way shape or form sway from your portrayal of perfection.. Yes I feel you have wronged me. Period end of story=- you can say that you havent. I made it up,,,I caused it....I did the action myself....yes I feel you wronged me. You delivered things to me in ways I would never do to another human being-and I cant argue with you about it, cuz you havent done anything wrong you never do anything wrong or incorrectly or in imporoer timing- Your truth is different than the one I know or experience...(I know Im delusional crazy fucking bitch...I just cant get it right) Ill never get it right bwecause you dont give it to me right- I cant change you I dont want to change you....there can be no change if there isnt anything that changes- .there can never be any understanding to any situation when it is like that...the only thing I can do is change that...because you wont/cant/refuse to view it that way/or choose to believe that I created the scenario....IMaybe you and whomever u choose , whatever you choose , your partner or your position..hopefully it works for you...good luck... I have a one sided relationship that I know both sides of all I ever wanted was a partner that felt I deserved the other side as it was not as intended or wished, or pretended, or played the part for it to be and I can never/could never/ will never have that/share that/ with you.
and yes I do believe i was the only one hurt by the situation, I dont believe that you are capeable of feelings, I think you hide from your real feelings and act accordingly, but not always in the proper time frame or with the proper participants. You are right puit together by none other than your mouth,,,,it is what I make up and that works for you because you can deny it and be honest in your denial because thats not exactly the way that it happened....and therefore never have to own up to how close or far off from the truth my fabrication was and you can go on about tending to whatever you want to tend to, and feel justified because you are angry at being accused,and rightly so because you havent done what you are accused of but never disclose any ownership to any of it....
I will always care about you and wonder why you chose the path and delivery the way you did....i also know that any expectations I have of deserving to know, are mute deaf and will remain dumb in your eyes forever...or never even considered because they are ludicras to you at the getgo. I could ask all the wuestions I want and at the end of the session, the argument instigated would be my own, the results same as we've known them to be and none of my questions would have any answers...because of course I am insane and dont get it and never will...
I dont see where I fit in with your life, why you would want to now include me in parts of your life that have always been kept from me from the beginning. I dont fit in where I can get in and find it extremely unsatisfying, very disturbing...and once again its of my own creation as for the reverse of that...well I dont do drugs anymore, I have a job that I cant fuck off because I cant keep my head on straight, I have people that love and support me and the decisions I make instead of labeling me a loon, people who explain things that dont make sense instead of telling me I caused the scenario or making it out as if i did and friends and family that I can spend the holidays with because I AM a part of the family and there is no reason to be ashamed of knowing me, loving me or wanting to be with me...so I just dont see where you fit into that picture....nor can I remember a time of ever thinking you wanted to.I can mark the days off a calender for 2 years I spent in a relationship with you as being Alone most of the time. for ur family birthdays and get togethers, Christmas and New years.....You chose with who and where you wanted to be...and of course you have every right to make those decisions...and you did....I had no part in those decisions but yes a ton of regret came with every decision you made.I dont think we even spent Valentines day you and I but what does that matter This year Ill make it up to the fool who fell in love with you and let herself be discarded, disregarded time and time again....Im gonna love her like no man has ever been able to love, and she is gonna smile as if she had a thousand lovers and never ever let herself feel unloved again...
Please dont try to destroy that happiness, just because you can
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