Final Chapter

Today I write

A letter to no one in particular that has little chance of ever being read, for its quite shameful in its existence- a final chapter of a book never written, while at the same time a prologue of sorts to the beginning of a new one of entirely different subject matter and of no precedence to require acknowledgement except to serve as a infinite reminder, to no one other than Myself.
It is a difficult Moment. It is Over. It is what it Is…
Everyday, before today, led to this occurrence today. Therefore it comes as no surprise. The “Warning, Caution, Danger and Dead End signs” were clear enough from the start, although set aside once commented on and disregarded continuously despite their “obvious” “Being There”.
Set to the way-side by your misleading perceptions of truth, your varying integrity (of course, situational, and by your seemingly diminishing intent.
No new tragedy has occurred, no new incident of unbecoming behavior has arrived to the scenario, after several hours of intimate deep discussion, the repetition of the same detached attitude comes to surface in an instant of outward aggression of anger without emotional connection hell bent on destroying that which fails to fall under its immediate control and somehow misses complete submission to its dictatorship.
All previously uttered statements of reassurance, accompanied by a self-justified, although stipulated and conditioned, but none the less aiming for direction of positive outcome become decomposing biodegradable foolishness that disappears in an instant. One is left with the bitter acidic foulness of a LIE , willingly told without hesitation, without concern and without any adherence to one’s own proud boasts of impeccable behavior.
You raised your voice. You called me by other than my given name, I believe the endearment was CUNT, You threw things, flipped things over, shattered glass, refusing to lower your voice, calm down or to regain self control-
5 hours of discussing acceptable solutions and behaviors that were not acceptable under any terms…you respond with a hateful uncalled for display of hostility, petty acts of immaturity and absolutely no regard to the conversation we just had.
You want anything and everything of yours back because you never want to see me again, this time we are really Done, even demanding your extra, currently not used by you internet adapter, so that I can’t find you online-, tell me not to call or text, you are going to have me blocked, do not come after you, and not to forget that We ARE Done!!
For about the hundredth time You have left again. You have lied again. Just like 2 days previous, and 3 days before that and countless times prior to that. You aren’t coming back.
Yet you refused to take your dirty cat clawed, hand me down couch that belonged to your ex and your scarred solid wood coffee table that you just moved in earlier this week, although you removed your clothes and the vacuum cleaner the previous time and insisted on wanting your adaptor back, but not concerned with removing your furniture OR giving me my house key back.
You gave me a diamond once, I was going to have it made into a ring…you demanded it back the following day. You have given me other things and taken them back as well, even a weed eater, the 20.00 previously left on the counter, you reclaimed.
You left me with a list of things to do all of them un-done because you said you would do them.
You left me with all the scars of everything you promised you would never do but made certain to execute every painful doing.
You left me with the ever constant reminder that this is nothing new. You do it every time. It has never been any different.
I am reminded of an event taking place that is unbelievable to anyone’s ear upon telling the story- You had installed additional stereo equipment in my car- an amplifier. The first incident of an argument you demanded it back although promising it was mine together or not…and then one day you once again decided it was over and was in process of texting me telling me how stupid I was, a loser, something as low as “FUCK YOU, everyone else has” and sent me packing from your father’s house, the amplifier overheated, in fact it melted smoke billowing out the backseat of my car…you responded with “Call someone who cares!!”
A year of this back and forth, and somehow you convince me that its all me, that I am the reason for all this, and that we treat people how to treat us-You actually believe that I deserve this treatment. You are wrong. I DESERVE to be loved, happy, and content-secure in my relationship and surroundings.
Although I have bended to your stipulations molded to your regulations and continued even though to love you without conditions, without reservation and without judging you your actions,
I can forget and forgive no longer, and no longer is the Welcome sign in place.
I have never been able to count on you and I won’t ever forget that or think that I can- No matter what you may and try to otherwise convince me.
Painfully the signs are lit up like billboards- now- STOP –DO NOT ENTER and NO U-TURN!