Like jeckyl and not unlike Hyde
I do You dont
See the other side
not pointing finger
one places blame
we see the others argument
but dont see it the same.
occASIONALLY A GIVEN
BUT SOMEHOW MISTOOK
one seeing a life line
and the other sees a fishing hook
we call them issues, some might call them snags
This pieced together outfit
is simply tattered rags
we smooth out a section
and mend it back in place
Taking it for granted
that its something we can replace.
often waiting for things we intend to relay
Projecting instead those things in an outburst
That we never meant to say
a picture you paint for me
and when I describe it such a way
telling me thats untrue
because you always have a totally different view
one needs repaint the picture
not argue nonsense all day
how its handled after delivery
is what matters most
not the fact I burned the bread
and you refuse to call it toast
Monday, March 21, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Insignificant Significant
Insignificant significant
Ungrateful bitch
Hold jur tongue, silence the inflicted hurts
Significant bitch
The likes you have not imagined...but believe
The skars you will never see,
The molded manipulated me
The mild mannered never be
Masked in dezignz of skars you’ll never see.
Hold styll
Resist the urge to
No sneeze no sniffle-
Gag your mouth
Choke back the tears
Little shrunken coward girl
In the corner crouched in fear-
Resolve to
Never to,..
Had to
Fall down too
So hopeless,
The cause,
The claws
Retracting-
REFRAIN-Shut thy mouth…don’t fucking speak
Control doesn’t make you superior
Your insistence creates a freak
What means nothing to u
I n Significant even to you
Perhaps, by chance,
Not A deciding factor for you
And be it so of little monetary value
Insufficient as you view.
Although, little worth is hardly true,
,
I didn’t say a word…
Hold the tongue
If you ever doubted-
Know in fact it is true
Substantial damage exists within and behind…
The skars you will never see,
The molded manipulated me
The mild mannered never be
Masked in dezignz of skars you’ll never see.
perfect imperfections
perfect imperfections
My thoughta feelings and insecurities,
A poem if you will,
Truth is true even if you lie to yourself
It is Truth styll-
Right if you allow it to be
Solution like needs to be
And my questions, perceptions and unresolved issues
Of whats with you and me
Perfect reflection of an imperfect collection
Perfect is a lie
The truth is you and I
Is there no happy medium?
The choice is but to choose between yelling or silence?
Negative attention or no attention??
Supercharged or no charge at all??
The shortest distance between two points is a straight line
And the ability to keep a distance right next to me you have mastered just fine.
I don’t understand any of it at all…
Tyme continues to move on, we continue but not together, we just exist
Independently of one another, alternating ownership of an attraction meant to resist
Silence is by far better than the fight…I never get to choose,
silence when you want it to be and argument when Im right
And in the shadowed existence and distorted visions of what love is meant to be…
Lies the imperfect reflection of dysfunctional life-
The truth is YOU and Me
The unresolved issues, necessary but silenced words, put off for later consequently never heard.
Inflicted hurts, ignored wounds-like baggage perfectly packed
Fear prevents my bringing them up again-
Afraid of how you will react
Stuffed by silence instilled by fear
Why am I alone in this
When you are right here??
I question
Both myself and you
Im the only one who answers
I go out there you come in here
I come here
You stay there
I go there
You come here
Then leave me here
You go
You come back
But not to me,,,
Why?
How do you really?
And is it because...?? > I FEEL
The only answers I get,
Your actions directions and silence
the only answer you have given me yet…
Disappointment
You're content
If you are not why not make it clear
I am alone but you are near
Again I answer myself
I shed a tear
Alone as if you were never here
I go to you
You come at me
Backpedal -retreat -
Backwards defeat
Turn it around upside down
Over
it repeats
I am here
Without you…
You have walked away
Mad angry ?? Nothing to say??
Same shit nother day
But another day has come
you by yourself
and me? I am Done…
My thoughta feelings and insecurities,
A poem if you will,
Truth is true even if you lie to yourself
It is Truth styll-
Right if you allow it to be
Solution like needs to be
And my questions, perceptions and unresolved issues
Of whats with you and me
Perfect reflection of an imperfect collection
Perfect is a lie
The truth is you and I
Is there no happy medium?
The choice is but to choose between yelling or silence?
Negative attention or no attention??
Supercharged or no charge at all??
The shortest distance between two points is a straight line
And the ability to keep a distance right next to me you have mastered just fine.
I don’t understand any of it at all…
Tyme continues to move on, we continue but not together, we just exist
Independently of one another, alternating ownership of an attraction meant to resist
Silence is by far better than the fight…I never get to choose,
silence when you want it to be and argument when Im right
And in the shadowed existence and distorted visions of what love is meant to be…
Lies the imperfect reflection of dysfunctional life-
The truth is YOU and Me
The unresolved issues, necessary but silenced words, put off for later consequently never heard.
Inflicted hurts, ignored wounds-like baggage perfectly packed
Fear prevents my bringing them up again-
Afraid of how you will react
Stuffed by silence instilled by fear
Why am I alone in this
When you are right here??
I question
Both myself and you
Im the only one who answers
I go out there you come in here
I come here
You stay there
I go there
You come here
Then leave me here
You go
You come back
But not to me,,,
Why?
How do you really?
And is it because...?? > I FEEL
The only answers I get,
Your actions directions and silence
the only answer you have given me yet…
Disappointment
You're content
If you are not why not make it clear
I am alone but you are near
Again I answer myself
I shed a tear
Alone as if you were never here
I go to you
You come at me
Backpedal -retreat -
Backwards defeat
Turn it around upside down
Over
it repeats
I am here
Without you…
You have walked away
Mad angry ?? Nothing to say??
Same shit nother day
But another day has come
you by yourself
and me? I am Done…
Saturday, February 26, 2011
one way wrong way
together for a minute
it seems like many more
instances I am the object of his desire
in the next I am nothing but a whore
useless, worthless a cunt in fact
all the wondrous things he calls me
and never takes them back...
but take him back,
I always do,
even though the things he shouts
aren't even close to true.
One day its that Im a bitch
another its got to do with meds
Im sick I am twisted
Im fucked in the head.
then it seems as if his anger passed
and good for a day or two,
but seldom does it last
he forgets the things he tells me
promises broken incidentally
much different than the picture he paints
and always tries to sell me.
I love this man
the best way that I know how
but my best will never be good enough
I know this now
No matter what path i choose
he decides if I lose
whether we get along or fight,
decides who's wrong and whats right,
when to stay and why to go,
why that is I'll never know
he refuses to be realistic
or see his error in ways
and justifies his cruelty
and the mean things he says
to him I am a possession,
and one he readily discards
detachment is his middle name
loyalty he disregards.
hes wrung me through the ringer
hung me out to dry
no longer making me smile
he loves to see me cry.
walk away he always does,
needing no other reason than just because
he used to make me love him
and thought he loved me
but now i see that things can never be
accusations without supportive facts
cold heartless without love
is the way he attacks...
says he hates me
knows that I am a cunt
doesn't stand behind me
puts on quite the front
its over now
no more games no more inflicted wounds no more hurtin'
no more trying to decipher
what is certain
its quite obvious,
hes got what he wanted no more need to pretend
he doesnt act like he loves me nor as if we're friends
and every other day he decides he wants it to end
i deserve better
someone who is real
someone able to love and knows how to feel
emotions other than anger hatred and will allow time to heal.
when together its in secret, the multitude is unaware,
his actions always confirming
that he doesn't really care
he will delete his profile
rather than say in a relationship for a while
but li6ting singloe as his status
always makes him smile
his abuse-his mistreatment and pointimg the finger at me
defines the eact reasons why we can never be
but rather than read this and realise,
he'll claim its only more lies
it kills me-more and more of me dies
less and less of me tries
it seems like many more
instances I am the object of his desire
in the next I am nothing but a whore
useless, worthless a cunt in fact
all the wondrous things he calls me
and never takes them back...
but take him back,
I always do,
even though the things he shouts
aren't even close to true.
One day its that Im a bitch
another its got to do with meds
Im sick I am twisted
Im fucked in the head.
then it seems as if his anger passed
and good for a day or two,
but seldom does it last
he forgets the things he tells me
promises broken incidentally
much different than the picture he paints
and always tries to sell me.
I love this man
the best way that I know how
but my best will never be good enough
I know this now
No matter what path i choose
he decides if I lose
whether we get along or fight,
decides who's wrong and whats right,
when to stay and why to go,
why that is I'll never know
he refuses to be realistic
or see his error in ways
and justifies his cruelty
and the mean things he says
to him I am a possession,
and one he readily discards
detachment is his middle name
loyalty he disregards.
hes wrung me through the ringer
hung me out to dry
no longer making me smile
he loves to see me cry.
walk away he always does,
needing no other reason than just because
he used to make me love him
and thought he loved me
but now i see that things can never be
accusations without supportive facts
cold heartless without love
is the way he attacks...
says he hates me
knows that I am a cunt
doesn't stand behind me
puts on quite the front
its over now
no more games no more inflicted wounds no more hurtin'
no more trying to decipher
what is certain
its quite obvious,
hes got what he wanted no more need to pretend
he doesnt act like he loves me nor as if we're friends
and every other day he decides he wants it to end
i deserve better
someone who is real
someone able to love and knows how to feel
emotions other than anger hatred and will allow time to heal.
when together its in secret, the multitude is unaware,
his actions always confirming
that he doesn't really care
he will delete his profile
rather than say in a relationship for a while
but li6ting singloe as his status
always makes him smile
his abuse-his mistreatment and pointimg the finger at me
defines the eact reasons why we can never be
but rather than read this and realise,
he'll claim its only more lies
it kills me-more and more of me dies
less and less of me tries
Thursday, February 3, 2011
My precious stone your precious Glass
Sometimes Im emotional and don’t quite know what to say
And out of respect and not wanting to fight, I just walk away
I know how this affects you, and will work on that somehow-
But know that’s when I need you to love me the most
Im trying to tell you now
There are those times when Im not sure the right way to act,
But if you love me as much as I love you,
We will both honor this pact.
Consider what we have is true
And honor it always in all that we do
Reach for understanding even when it seems there is none
And know that we will still be together after all is said and done.
My how time flies by us fast
Yesterday looking towards the future
Today it becomes our past
Not only did it come to light
That we are going nowhere,
You are cruel and want to fight.
Called me a piece of shit, telling me its over
Unconcerned and without care
Disregarding every word of our pact
You even went so far
To demand your diamond back
Ruining what you know
Is precious to me
Disrespectful and hateful,
Mean as you could be.
Showing nothing in the way of compassion
Or love
You turned on me and used against me
The words I pledged above.
You don’t want any reminders,
You don’t want me
You showed me
An extremely disappointing side of you
I never wanted to see.
You lack integrity, no honor to uphold
Branded yourself a liar with the untruths you told,
What a let down. You gave up quick
Thinking you could shit on me
And act a total dick.
Devaluing what I thought was precious
Our relationship –solid as set in stone-
Symbolized by that diamond
Signified
Me
Alone
You acting an unforgivable ASS
Fucking off our relationship
Knowing it was made of Glass
And out of respect and not wanting to fight, I just walk away
I know how this affects you, and will work on that somehow-
But know that’s when I need you to love me the most
Im trying to tell you now
There are those times when Im not sure the right way to act,
But if you love me as much as I love you,
We will both honor this pact.
Consider what we have is true
And honor it always in all that we do
Reach for understanding even when it seems there is none
And know that we will still be together after all is said and done.
My how time flies by us fast
Yesterday looking towards the future
Today it becomes our past
Not only did it come to light
That we are going nowhere,
You are cruel and want to fight.
Called me a piece of shit, telling me its over
Unconcerned and without care
Disregarding every word of our pact
You even went so far
To demand your diamond back
Ruining what you know
Is precious to me
Disrespectful and hateful,
Mean as you could be.
Showing nothing in the way of compassion
Or love
You turned on me and used against me
The words I pledged above.
You don’t want any reminders,
You don’t want me
You showed me
An extremely disappointing side of you
I never wanted to see.
You lack integrity, no honor to uphold
Branded yourself a liar with the untruths you told,
What a let down. You gave up quick
Thinking you could shit on me
And act a total dick.
Devaluing what I thought was precious
Our relationship –solid as set in stone-
Symbolized by that diamond
Signified
Me
Alone
You acting an unforgivable ASS
Fucking off our relationship
Knowing it was made of Glass
the diamond wasn't real-neither was he
And lights up the life of this particular girl
A ring I will make and wear on my finger
And each tine you see it- may these thoughts linger
Fresh in your mind, Real in your heart
And strengthen our bond even when we are apart
If I don’t call you, I want you to call me.
When I walk away angry, I want you to know I will be back.
If you walk away angry, I want to know you will be back.
When I am quiet, don’t always assume or get the feeling like something is wrong-please kiss me and tell me you love me, I will tell you if there is something I am concerned about. Most likely I will just kiss you back and tell you that I love you for often that IS exactly what Im thinking
If you feel as if I am ignoring you- Give me some attention-Im probably feeling the same way and without realizing it diverting attention-the same as you do.
If I am crying- hug me, hold me- I’ll stop crying and then be able to explain- but I wont be sad anymore you will have taken that away already. I will know that everything is going to be okay
If you happen to sneak up behind me without me realizing it, grab my waist and pull me back into you and make me feel secure instead of startled.
When I lay my head on your shoulder I love when you kiss my forehead or top of my head and then lift my face to kiss you, because I know its not the same feeling as if I grab your face and steal a kiss. I love kissing you.
When I tease you tease me back until we laugh together so that there is no question we Are laughing together.
If eyes are the windows to the soul-make sure our eyes meet before we ever part and know I love you with all my heart.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
rant
rant and rave-
give up fight to save
its gotten better or so I thought-
I try not to think about it-
It hurts me a lot...
you do your social thing
amongst those that do not know
and rather than change your single styatus
you let your whole profile go
what does that say ,
what does it really mean
things aren't in the open
somethiing is not what it seems
you want me to pack my past
and tuck it all away
in a wrapped bundle locked and sealed
Im not sure what to say
my pictures offend thee
you refuse to fight for or defend me
these fucked up mixed up signals you send me
your ex is on your friends list
a few others too
and rather than change your single status
you hide your profile from view.
this is far from finished
yet put it on hold i must
AND WONDER WHY iM IN A RELATIONSHIP
WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T TRUST
give up fight to save
its gotten better or so I thought-
I try not to think about it-
It hurts me a lot...
you do your social thing
amongst those that do not know
and rather than change your single styatus
you let your whole profile go
what does that say ,
what does it really mean
things aren't in the open
somethiing is not what it seems
you want me to pack my past
and tuck it all away
in a wrapped bundle locked and sealed
Im not sure what to say
my pictures offend thee
you refuse to fight for or defend me
these fucked up mixed up signals you send me
your ex is on your friends list
a few others too
and rather than change your single status
you hide your profile from view.
this is far from finished
yet put it on hold i must
AND WONDER WHY iM IN A RELATIONSHIP
WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T TRUST
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