From: "T,Moore"
To: rob holmes
Sent: Monday, December 19, 2011 12:12 AM
Subject: you have destroyed and warped things so much im not even going to bother finishing
these fears have manifested into a defense mechanism, in which they distort your view and or interaction with men. the desire not to know any more pain feeds the drive to control your relationships, and not be controlled. yet it is just a perception of control. there is not such thing as control in love. shouldn't be that is. one has to love the other for which they do of their own free will. So to avoid the pain of hearth ache you don't allow your self to love. you in stead use. use meaningless men; their attention of any sort as comfort, but destroy any relationship which has depth. its in your mind that there is only pain at the end of the road. how do you know? if you dont follow the path to its end, if you don"t ever get close enough to find out, then your right all you will be left with is your own pain.
There is NO WAY to avoid heartache if you truly love. There will always be pain of some sort to come along when you are capeable of truly loving someone. People who try to aVOID HEARTACHE ARE NOT CAPEABLE OF LOVING... iNVESTIGATE THIS....GO AHEAD CHECK IT OUT...this is known,,it is not simply my opinion.
The highligghted startement of your OPINION =So to avoid the pain of hearth ache you don't allow your self to love. you in stead use
use meaningless men; their attention of any sort as comfort, but destroy any relationship which has depth.
THIS IS YOUR OWN TWISTED PERCEPTION AND HOW YOU JUSTIFY THE THINGS YOU DO OR IT IS IN FACT HOW YOU SEE THEM IN OTHERS BECAUSE THIS IS HOW YOU DO THINGS
AND OF COURSE YOU ARE ENTITLED TO YOUR OWN OPINION ...AND I WILL LEAVE YOU TO ENJOY YOU OPINION, BECAUSE IT IS THE MOST INNAPPROPRIATE OPINION TO HAVE PLACED ON ME...but to each his own.
very ironic that you said that I use meaningless men use thier attentioon of any sort as comfort but destroy any rerlationship with any depth...
i say nothing I lose I say something I lose...I lose nothing to say something neither do i gain anything but silence if Im silent -
the only relationship I have had recently is sadly very shallow in its existence ,,,and happens to be with you...It is already known we are of different opinions and views which both are entitled to be . But I feel very much like you have digested information and without anything further you have cast judgment and satisfied yourself with the experience having factual basis because it sits well with you, your perception and the situation as you see it...it works for you because nothing else did so you are okay with it. Im not okay with it, it doesnt work for me, its not even close to what really is and in order to specify what it really is I have to resort to telling you its not and why I think that is...And this has never been successful communicating it only adds fire to the argument at hand. and while I have always felt the need to defend myself of your opinion...its nevr going to be effective because you do not use fact to differentiate your opinion from your judgments-
Nice justification rob holmes-if this were a true statement and not your twisted perception the results would be by far differentt,,,think about it...if what you believe in your mind to be the case...your presence would have been eliminated from the equation quite some time ago. what would i be doing with you?? use u for what?
First off ...no man has ever provided me with one comforting thing EVER...not a diaper, pacifier, warm blanket, roof over my head, or escape by means of taking me away from reality by mind blowin orgasm that disconnects my mind from my body, haha cuz who does this really satisy the most?? Answer:The man who IS already disconnected his mind from his body before he started fucking you.......if I was seeking comfort at any time it would be a female that has EVER provided me anything close to comfort...grandma, mom, my girls, girlfriend- comfort food, comfort shopping...comfort warm snuggling blankets, cushy new shoes-NEVER once has the thought crossed my mind that I could/would or even look for "comfort" from a man- so sorry to disillusion your thinking with an opposition that doesnt really matter(to you its just another argument)...it is my defense to your offense...but since im being judged it might as well apply instead of just being heresay.
Second off- when I first met you I had such a radically different perception of who you were, what you were like, things you placed importance on, things you valued...and the concern you placed on how your actions affected another person. I thought you were perfect...so caring. so concerned and just had a genuine heart that really wanted everyone around him to at least be comfortable and secure in thier surroundings...and if you couldnt make them happy well at least you had tried the best you could and provided comfortable living for them and concerned yourself with genuine well being. You had a drive and determination to succeed and damn anyone who might get in the way of that -if they didnt share your drive they were of little worth of your attention. Ihat was exciting and intense
very attractive ...and by all means if I couldnt match them strides you were taking, I was gonna give it my all to be right there behind you. Fear of you getting too far ahead and leaving me behind as not worthy was the only fear I had, I thought pure adrenaline would be enough to suffice where I was possibly lacking in endurance and stamina.
Adrenaline was not going to be a problem, or so I didnt think it ever would be. You made my pulse quicken, my heart beat faster and excitement flow through my veins. YOU took my breath away BUT you always gave it back to me-in the form of a hug, a kiss, your touch, that look you give with your eyes dark and intense and you bite you lower lip...its very vivid in my mind in my body and yeah it still makes me high. ALIKE NO DRUG !!
You were sooooooooo not my type-dark handsome, reserved, intense, directed and so fucking sexy. I wanted you...I wanted to be with you. I wanted to be your adrenaline, your high, your drug...I wanted to be YOURS. 100%, without exceptions, without reservations, without any doubt...I WANTED TO BE YOURS. your everything, your drive your reason your intentions ...even your purpose for existing. I just wanted to be yours. Never for a minute did I ever think to control that, or that you could control that, was never a concern or worry that needed to be considered.
After everything I had been through -miserable relationships, knowing miserable people miserable family life...YOU were different than anyone I had ever known but that was okay, I thought. I never really entertained the idea that we would be together, but I wanted to know you, I wanted to be a part of that "perfect little surroundings" scenario. I WANTED to know what it was like to be loved, respected, trusted and included in a genuine surrounding becuase I was genuine and had never found such a thing, barely even heard of such a thing, and in alll the peoples I had met was really beginning to give up hope that such people-lives-surroundings even existed.
So perhaps in the end,,,it HAS BEEN my perceptions that have been our undoing. Perhaps it was my own selfish nature that is at fault, because of course it is unreasonable to think of one possessing another as thier own...but with all my heart all my soul with all my being I WANTED TO BE YOURS therefore wanting you to be myne...Not to own or to possess or to control or dictate or for any other purpose than to equal that which I wamted to be...YOURS...somehow in all the energies floating around I failed to see this as selfish or self serving ...but it is in all factual purposes a very self centered idea. Wanting to be your self center I lost myself the minute I entertained that thought...because I cannot be found in your center. I wont pretend I know what is your center. I wont assume that you even know what and where your center is and I wont give you my perception or opinion as to where or what I believe to be your unbalances are...
I guess it would be most appropriately put in one final sentence of summary"
I can Never Be Yours...Because You Arent Mine...
