4 years 4 why

Crushed.
Hot tears roll down my face
grieving a loss , nothing can replace
my solid center , the heart of my soul
torn and rooted in griefs' fucking black hole.
4 years 4 why
wasted years of the calander have gone by
tyme that passes, unremarkedly so,
and styll its clutches wont let me go
I remain captive submersed
surrounded by loss, heldfast  by grief
4 years 4 why
no sign of  relief
Immobilized,
as if tyme stood styll
haveing yet to move forward,
I wonder if I ever will
my solid center ,
the light of my soul
taken away
and left me unwhole
of remedies, of healing
memories of borrowed tyme
keep stealing
thoughts of the future
like a corpse thats turned cold
in an instant I went from infant
 to unbearably old
the reasons  the meaning,
validation for being-
Im left without seeing
for in my visions there was always you
strength to hold fast and beliefs that held true
and although I styll see your wonderful loving face
Im lost Im helpless
and alone in this godforsaken place
hot  tears roll down my face
4 years 4 why
grieving a loss I can never replace.
what does this future have in store?.
It  really doesn't matter
I dont even care anymore
for I see nothing
 only pitch black
and all the grieving in the world
can never bring you back
so tyme that passes erases meanings
and reasons for being
cold lonely infinite grief
 is all Im seeing
Like a mannequin directed through the motion
an abandoned ship tossed about by the ocean
no direction no course
held captive by grief and remorse
4 years 4 why
alone I sit
worthless
tears
I cry...