brief

Time
im doing it without you
LIFE

you are living without me
surviving a reality
never supposed to be
you are blinded by this strange hostility
and things you care not to see
ive loved you without restraints
resentments or controls
and sadly love you still
unfortunately you cant love me
without conditions
and you probably never will

a life we planned on together
seperated by the things you have done to sever

the opposite of love isn't hate
although you find that hard to tell
most certainly it is indifference
and you have taught me well

Lonely drive

I took by myself,
but of course let you
manipulation
pretty simple
your distorted view.
no words of anger, in fact no feeling at all
cold hard and stoney -a wall
tired of a lifestyle thats become a usual thing
this will be the last of the them
just another fling
a parking lot as vacant as feelings in your heart
and empty gas tank a fukked off relationship
and a broke down car that wont start
but im not broken
im feeling rather strong
and looking forward to this journey
I should have taken all along
what created this chasm
ill never understand
back and forth
like a rubber band
one minute on
the next minute out
fighting for the love of it
pretending to work it out
your actions say so clearly
the thoughts you fail to speak
and once again future is history
forever has come and gone
inside of a week
always your course of action
to end it now we're done
so many ways it could be handled
yet you only know the one
no matter what the fight is
your stance results the same
Im tired of trying too tired to fight
too tired to play this game
ive never been so alone
on a bicycle built for two
and thank my lucky stars
although I have had my head up my ass
but my eyes constantly in the rear-view
the sun is rising
my spirits will eventually soar
as i pack my bags of eternity
on the road to never more
keys, gas, and attitude in check
my mind my heart, myself
I'm in my car
and I'm a total wreck
what a farce
fake replica of what I do not know
once again you packed my shit
and told me to go
be it childish or immature
promising different than it were
you want a summertime girlfriend
I am no longer her
at your convenience at your request
I always tried I did my best
doesn't matter never did
responding with bitterness
i wish you had somehow hid
for all those nights you made me cry
and promises oto never give up or say goodbye
we told each other its worth our time
but in the end you only chose to be wasting mine
grow up get real
learn how to love
and what IT MEANS TO FEEL
YOU GET angry so mad you wanna hurt
Treating me like a pice of shit and bury me in the dirt

Like jeckyl and not unlike Hyde
I do You dont
See the other side
not pointing finger
one places blame
we see the others argument
but dont see it the same.
occASIONALLY A GIVEN
BUT SOMEHOW MISTOOK
one seeing a life line
and the other sees a fishing hook
we call them issues, some might call them snags
This pieced together outfit
is simply tattered rags
we smooth out a section
and mend it back in place
Taking it for granted
that its something we can replace.
often waiting for things we intend to relay
Projecting instead those things in an outburst
That we never meant to say
a picture you paint for me
and when I describe it such a way
telling me thats untrue
because you always have a totally different view

one needs repaint the picture
not argue nonsense all day
how its handled after delivery
is what matters most
not the fact I burned the bread
and you refuse to call it toast

Insignificant Significant

Insignificant significant
Ungrateful bitch
Hold jur tongue, silence the inflicted hurts
Significant bitch
The likes you have not imagined...but believe
The skars you will never see,
The molded manipulated me
The mild mannered never be
Masked in dezignz of skars you’ll never see.
Hold styll
Resist the urge to
No sneeze no sniffle-
Gag your mouth
Choke back the tears
Little shrunken coward girl
In the corner crouched in fear-
Resolve to
Never to,..
Had to
Fall down too
So hopeless,
The cause,
The claws
Retracting-
REFRAIN-Shut thy mouth…don’t fucking speak
Control doesn’t make you superior
Your insistence creates a freak
What means nothing to u
I n Significant even to you
Perhaps, by chance,
Not A deciding factor for you
And be it so of little monetary value
Insufficient as you view.
Although, little worth is hardly true,
,
I didn’t say a word…
Hold the tongue
If you ever doubted-
Know in fact it is true
Substantial damage exists within and behind…
The skars you will never see,
The molded manipulated me
The mild mannered never be
Masked in dezignz of skars you’ll never see.

perfect imperfections

perfect imperfections
My thoughta feelings and insecurities,
A poem if you will,
Truth is true even if you lie to yourself
It is Truth styll-
Right if you allow it to be
Solution like needs to be
And my questions, perceptions and unresolved issues
Of whats with you and me


Perfect reflection of an imperfect collection
Perfect is a lie
The truth is you and I
Is there no happy medium?
The choice is but to choose between yelling or silence?
Negative attention or no attention??
Supercharged or no charge at all??
The shortest distance between two points is a straight line
And the ability to keep a distance right next to me you have mastered just fine.
I don’t understand any of it at all…
Tyme continues to move on, we continue but not together, we just exist
Independently of one another, alternating ownership of an attraction meant to resist
Silence is by far better than the fight…I never get to choose,
silence when you want it to be and argument when Im right
And in the shadowed existence and distorted visions of what love is meant to be…
Lies the imperfect reflection of dysfunctional life-
The truth is YOU and Me
The unresolved issues, necessary but silenced words, put off for later consequently never heard.
Inflicted hurts, ignored wounds-like baggage perfectly packed
Fear prevents my bringing them up again-
Afraid of how you will react
Stuffed by silence instilled by fear
Why am I alone in this
When you are right here??
I question
Both myself and you
Im the only one who answers
I go out there you come in here
I come here
You stay there
I go there
You come here
Then leave me here
You go
You come back
But not to me,,,
Why?
How do you really?
And is it because...?? > I FEEL
The only answers I get,
Your actions directions and silence
the only answer you have given me yet…

Disappointment
You're content
If you are not why not make it clear
I am alone but you are near
Again I answer myself
I shed a tear
Alone as if you were never here
I go to you
You come at me
Backpedal -retreat -
Backwards defeat
Turn it around upside down
Over
it repeats
I am here
Without you…
You have walked away
Mad angry ?? Nothing to say??
Same shit nother day
But another day has come

you by yourself

and me? I am Done…

one way wrong way

together for a minute
it seems like many more
instances I am the object of his desire
in the next I am nothing but a whore
useless, worthless a cunt in fact
all the wondrous things he calls me
and never takes them back...
but take him back,
I always do,
even though the things he shouts
aren't even close to true.
One day its that Im a bitch
another its got to do with meds
Im sick I am twisted
Im fucked in the head.
then it seems as if his anger passed
and good for a day or two,
but seldom does it last
he forgets the things he tells me
promises broken incidentally
much different than the picture he paints
and always tries to sell me.
I love this man
the best way that I know how
but my best will never be good enough
I know this now
No matter what path i choose
he decides if I lose
whether we get along or fight,
decides who's wrong and whats right,
when to stay and why to go,
why that is I'll never know
he refuses to be realistic
or see his error in ways
and justifies his cruelty
and the mean things he says
to him I am a possession,
and one he readily discards
detachment is his middle name
loyalty he disregards.
hes wrung me through the ringer
hung me out to dry
no longer making me smile
he loves to see me cry.
walk away he always does,
needing no other reason than just because
he used to make me love him
and thought he loved me
but now i see that things can never be
accusations without supportive facts
cold heartless without love
is the way he attacks...
says he hates me
knows that I am a cunt
doesn't stand behind me
puts on quite the front
its over now
no more games no more inflicted wounds no more hurtin'
no more trying to decipher
what is certain
its quite obvious,
hes got what he wanted no more need to pretend
he doesnt act like he loves me nor as if we're friends
and every other day he decides he wants it to end
i deserve better
someone who is real
someone able to love and knows how to feel
emotions other than anger hatred and will allow time to heal.
when together its in secret, the multitude is unaware,
his actions always confirming
that he doesn't really care
he will delete his profile
rather than say in a relationship for a while
but li6ting singloe as his status
always makes him smile
his abuse-his mistreatment and pointimg the finger at me
defines the eact reasons why we can never be
but rather than read this and realise,
he'll claim its only more lies

it kills me-more and more of me dies
less and less of me tries

My precious stone your precious Glass

Sometimes Im emotional and don’t quite know what to say
And out of respect and not wanting to fight, I just walk away
I know how this affects you, and will work on that somehow-
But know that’s when I need you to love me the most
Im trying to tell you now
There are those times when Im not sure the right way to act,
But if you love me as much as I love you,
We will both honor this pact.
Consider what we have is true
And honor it always in all that we do
Reach for understanding even when it seems there is none
And know that we will still be together after all is said and done.

My how time flies by us fast
Yesterday looking towards the future
Today it becomes our past
Not only did it come to light
That we are going nowhere,
You are cruel and want to fight.
Called me a piece of shit, telling me its over
Unconcerned and without care
Disregarding every word of our pact
You even went so far
To demand your diamond back
Ruining what you know
Is precious to me
Disrespectful and hateful,
Mean as you could be.
Showing nothing in the way of compassion
Or love
You turned on me and used against me
The words I pledged above.
You don’t want any reminders,
You don’t want me
You showed me
An extremely disappointing side of you
I never wanted to see.
You lack integrity, no honor to uphold
Branded yourself a liar with the untruths you told,
What a let down. You gave up quick
Thinking you could shit on me
And act a total dick.
Devaluing what I thought was precious
Our relationship –solid as set in stone-
Symbolized by that diamond
Signified
Me
Alone
You acting an unforgivable ASS
Fucking off our relationship
Knowing it was made of Glass